i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
