That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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