I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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