fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm always down for nudity.
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