wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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