That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
