I just threw up on my dentist
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
this hospital has no fireball
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
