Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
