I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
