My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
whose parrot is this?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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