whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
