I wish I could teleport
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
