Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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