Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
