Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
