Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
