So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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