i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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