last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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