Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
