As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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