I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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