I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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