I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
