hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
