You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
