her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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