I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
