apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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