I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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