Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
farters have to be the big spoon...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
