how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Two words: nipple clamps
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