I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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