so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
