she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
