he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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