he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
