Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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