There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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