Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
