You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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