fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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