not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
