And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
