And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
