Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
