Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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