I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
