it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
