When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
