what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
