I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
