I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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