Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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