so that wasnt chicken after all
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
