they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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