but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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