i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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