Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
