I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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