I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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