I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
