yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
