Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
