out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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