I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My pussy is not your playground.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
